Here's My "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" with Facebook:
The Good:
- Great(?) way to stay in touch with family and friends, especially as we are living so far away
- Amazing to reconnect with old friends from so many different chapters of my life - wow!
- I love drawing lines between people ("my sister's friend in MN is friends with my best friend from college in Boston because they worked together at a summer camp in Montana" type of connections) - Great tools to organize events with people
- Good(?) way to stay up to date on the lives of friends and family (a blog really feels one-way)
The Bad:
I find that I am continually struggling to "keep up" with communication with friends and family (in NZ and back in the US). I didn't even text before moving to New Zealand and now I have "my precious" iPhone with access to skype, FaceTime, texts, iMessages, 3 e-mail accounts, and Facebook. Often I feel like I am drowning in messages and communication and I just can't stay on my feet. Facebook is just another mode of communication that I can't sustain...
The Ugly:
- Addictive Personality. I think I have an addictive personality. We don't have a TV, because I just don't think I'm one of those people that can have it, without watching it TOO much. It's much easier, just to not have one. I think Facebook became addicting while I was nursing Charlie. It's the perfect "mindless" activity during the many, many hours of nursing. It's pretty sad though how often I'm brainlessly scanning my newsfeed to see ever iota of activity in all of my "friends'" lives, instead of really being present with my kiddos, hubby and God.
- Stalker Spy. I pride myself on my information gathering abilities. It's embarrassing really. I was looking up friends from my study abroad in Russia (NOTE: I was so excited to find one of my friends from BU and Moscow last night - maybe we can just e-mail???). I wasn't looking to "friend" them, I just wanted to see what they became when they "grew up." It was actually SUPER interesting, but that's beside the point. Or maybe that's exactly the point... Anyway, I found that my peers are smart with their privacy settings, but you could find a picture where mom commented. If you clicked on mom, she's much more lax with her privacy settings, and voila - you get all sorts of information. That's really embarrassing to confess, but I'm sure I'm not the only one out there... I just hate how PASSIVE I am with my Facebook communication. Yuck! A letter, an e-mail, a phone call - ANYTHING is better than my current activity on FB! There are elements of shallowness, cattiness, and juicy gossip that I gobble up - but I want to feed my soul with more lasting, encouraging, and uplifting things...
- My Profile. I'm a little uncomfortable with my whole profile. I feel like I need to massively edit my profile to really reflect what who I am and what I value. I question why I post the things that I post. What "face" am I putting forward on Facebook? What about things my "friends" are posting? Should I untag the pics where I'm not as photogenic - and upload lots of "smoking hot" pics... That's weird...
Okay - I'm going to do it... I think there is a few week waiting period, so we'll see if I make it! I'd love thoughts on this one!
I know what you mean about birthday wishes on FB. At the same time I have not had my birthday celebrated by people other than my parents for years upon years so that combined with having to often work on holidays has made me savor the spontaneous little things. If you go off FB, at least Ican follow you on your blog! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteCindy - thanks so much for responding! Thanks for sharing about your birthday - I really love your perspective. Maybe I just feel so overwhelmed with all of the amazing birthday wishes that I just don't know what to do with it all... Who knows??? I really appreciate your prayers - thank you!
DeleteAlso - that makes me sad about your birthday! I hope you get some "birthday princess" time this year my friend! :)
DeleteKatia, I totally hear ya! I feel the same, I sometimes am baffled to how much unnecessary time I spent on FB and ignore my kiddos! I am a total addict to it too in the ways you are mentioning. I told my self i will only check it in the mornings for few min and in the evening for few but i always end up staying more than i want. But it does relaxes me, to surf it. Also in such a small community like incirlik it really is an awesome tool for events, selling stuff etc... So as long as we are here i will probably be active on it, but once we are out i will "try" not to be on it everyday:) Rana
ReplyDeleteRana - When I woke up the next morning after posting this, I really regretted my honesty. It really makes me feel better that I'm not the only mommy out there who struggle with this. I can totally see how everyone is using it at Incirlik and you'd be a little "blind" without it. Plus, poor Jake's family in MN not getting Aksel and Mia updates! I'm considering reopening my account once I get some control. :) Maybe when Charlie and Liam are teenagers and I want to stalk their friends -- WHOAH, there we go again - UNHEALTHY! :)
DeleteKatie- I miss you and love you so, so much. I have also deactivated my facebook for many of the same reasons you have. Either I'm on it non-stop and I become a lurker (reading/observing people's lives without interacting- which is how many people use facebook) or I am not on it enough and people become annoyed when I'm not responsive. The main reason I chose to close my account was because I have actually started to value a strange notion called PRIVACY as I grow older. Super odd, I know (because I usually tell everyone my life story within the first 10 minutes of meeting them). I realize that I can control the information I put out there, but I can't control what others choose to post on my wall or comment on my stuff. I know I can delete their posts, but this requires up-keep and time. Also, people don't always think through what they post and it can be unintentionally offensive/hurtful. For example, a "friend" cleverly commented on a photo of my adopted daughter to say "you should really get a DNA test on her." This was a completely not funny attempt at humor. Once I had time, I addressed it and the post was taken down, but it sat out there for a good while, and that's just not OK with me. I fully support you, friend! Besides, with an awesome blog like this, the people who truly care about you and love you still have a perfect window into your world. Let's skype soon! -Rachel
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachel for your post! I've found "account maintenance" to be a bother, but your example above is really horrible! After you mentioned it, I've noticed a rew respectable Godly men with links to a youtube video "People of Walmart - Sexy and I Know It" that displays a female "booty" revealed under a short skirt. The poor guy only goes on Facebook to write about his trips to China to adopt his 2 daughters and their hospital visits as they adopted children with some medical needs. He is clueless about what's on his profile. I'm believing the best, that he didn't click on anything and it's just a bummer! Yes Rachel - we'd love to skype soon - you've got our skype name now. Thanks for the encouragement!
DeleteHi Katie! Gosh, I miss you. I hope someday in the future we live close to each other! We have so much in common, from running to nutrition, and our kiddos are so close in age! :) Anyway, I could personally never quit facebook because it keeps me connected to SO many family and friends that I might not otherwise interact with. I am somewhat addicted--I check multiple times a day--but I try to be active and engaged, not a "lurker." It kind of hurts my feelings when I take the time to read and comment on friends' updates, but they never take the time to do so for me....for me, that's the tough part of facebook; realizing that "friends" are not always that. But the benefits outweigh the rest for me and ultimately social media helps stave off S.A.H.M. blues and loneliness. I didn't realize you were posting on your blog so much, and now I'm following it! :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteI know Liz! It's so funny how our similarly our lives unfolded! I have a feeling we will live in the same community again - what do you think about DC or Colorado? I also really love your blog - it's been fun to glean some of your recipes and parenting advice. I'm sorry about lurking behavior on Facebook - I'm sure there were many times that I had something to say on your posts but was to lazy or passive - I'm sorry! I'm following your blog now as well!
DeleteIt looks, at least right now, that we'll go to Boston or NYC next....definitely somewhere more metropolitan. How much longer till you all move?
DeleteBoston, DC and Denver are high on our list. Another 2-4 years...
DeleteHi Katie, I go back and forth on Facebook quite a bit. If I didn't work in campus ministry I probably wouldn't check FB nearly as much as I have. I'm a pretty terrible communicator and have been using FB as a passive communication medium - it all comes to me and I don't have to truly engage. So, in the last few weeks I've started to trim my 'friends' list so I only get updates from people I really desire a connection to. It's my first step. I'm also planning a FB fast at the end of the semester. I'm planning to log-off and stay off for the first few weeks of May. At the end of May I'll reevaluate. Your thoroughness in thinking this through is really great. You can always open your account at a later time if you choose to close it for a while.
ReplyDeleteHi Jess - thank you for your thoughtful comments. I'm keeping open the possibility of reopening the account later when I get some control. We'll see... I admire your ability to keep it as a tool - especially considering your work on campus. I think it would be almost impossible to do your work on campus without it. I'm believing that you can make it work! :) Much love Jess!
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